10 Worst Christmas Songs for Your Playlist

Our favorite time of the year has arrived… but this year, we want to be sure you are prepared. Behold our list of the 10 Worst “Christmas” Songs ever to see the light of day. Consider yourself warned.

 

10. Oh Come All Ye Faithful – Twisted Sister

It’s hard to believe this came out in 2006. It’s hard to believe this came out at all. I mean… this is a thing. And it is horrendous. The video is pretty true to life, in the fact that the girl in the video is completely horrified and violated as a result of listening to this re-hashed chunk of sadness stuffed in spandex. We feel ya, Karen. That’s probably her name.

 

9. Winter Wonderland – The Eurythmics

The first Christmas synth on the list. A great reminder that everything that happened in the 80’s should have just stayed there. This song, however, has become a staple on most public Holiday radio stations. And why not? People love crap.

 

 

8. Step Into Christmas – Elton John

Better watch out! This song sucks. Like… are we just calling this a Christmas song because it has the word “Christmas” in the title? This is the kind of music that makes Santa stay away from everyone else for 364 days a year.

7. Merry Christmas, Santa Claus – Max Headroom

I’m not sure this one should even be on this list. I mean it was supposed to be bad… and it is. It’s really bad. But it’s also really catchy.

Seriously. Listen and see how long it gets stuck in your head[room].

 

6. Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt

I’m surprised they let this gem slide through in 2018. Nothing says Merry Christmas like the anthem for some good old fashioned gold-digging. Thanks for sending women back to the dark ages, Eartha.

 

5. Last Christmas – Wham

What’s worse than getting dumped on Christmas? Hearing a lame song about it for 40 days. Let’s just stop calling this a Christmas song. Ok? Thanks.

 

4. Mary’s Boy Child – Boney M

Jesus is King. He is the reason for the season. However, he did not play the lead in the 1993 movie Cool Runnings, so I would prefer to keep this smelly Jamaican atrocity as far away from my grandpa’s eggnog as possible.

 

3. Anything by Michael Bolton

As Norm McDonald once said on SNL Weekend Update “Happy Birthday, Jesus! I hope you like crap!” Listen carefully. Michael Bolton is not to be enjoyed by anyone. Ever. For any reason. In fact, the record executive who green-lit this synthesized bag of farts has since gone on to work in politics… to continue ruining your life. When will it end?

 

2. Same Old Lang Syne – Dan Fogelberg

Leave it to Dan Fogelberg. He’s not just going to ruin your Christmas party, he’s staying to stink up your new year too! Wait. Is that Kenny G at the end? Meh. Who cares.

 

1. The Christmas Shoes – NewSong

P.U. What a Hallmark turd this song is. I mean I get it. The movie with Rob Lowe was awful, although it DID have a sweet sentiment. But did it really deserve to be beaten to death by a band who looks like a group of store managers at Cabela’s? Jeez. What a stinker.

Also, what the hell are they even looking at?

 

The End!

Don’t agree with our list? Good. But we’re right.

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